Watching: Surviving, that suicide movie from the 80's with Molly Ringwald and the guy from Gremlins (or Goonies, I can't remember which). It was on Lifetime last night. I remember that movie having a pretty powerful effect on me when I was 14, but last night I thought it was kinda cheesy.
Not watching: Last night's Politically Incorrect, on which one of the guests was a certain British comedian I've been obsessed with lately. Right when I was going to bed, Tara called to tell me she thought he was going to be on, so I dutifully checked TV Guide online to see exactly what time it came on here, then set my VCR and went to bed. Of course, what I got was fucking Nightline and only the first five minutes of P.I., but it was enough for me to see him without a speck of makeup and determine that he is actually quite attractive. I was starting to worry about myself a little.
But the bigger picture is how frustrated I get that you can't completely rely on any single source of information. No wonder everyone is so cynical nowadays.
Listening: That Dido CD, almost nonstop. It's really fantastic.
Anticipating: Getting a manicure on Saturday. I have fingernails that, due to genetics or caffeine, simply don't grow. And I have short stubby fingers that really do look much better with longer nails. So I'm getting a set of acrylics put on on Saturday morning.
Of course, when I actually had to admit that out loud yesterday, I was completely embarrassed. My co-analyst asked me if I would be interested in judging high school debators on Saturday, and I would, but he said it started at 9:00 and I won't be done with the manicure until at least 10:00. I didn't want him to think that I just didn't want to get up early, so I had to tell him why I wouldn't be available until 10:00.
"Okay," says he, in that certain male "a manicure? huh?" way.
I'd like to learn how not to get tired from vacuuming.
-- my friend Tara, on why she's taking a Tae-Bo class
It's 5:40 in the morning, oh yes it is, and I have been wide awake since 4:30.
Blah blah blah insomnia blah blah blah. Now it's not just that I can't get to sleep, but I can't stay asleep either. That's just not cool.
I'm going to my primary care doctor on the 23rd about my back, and I think I'm going to ask her about this too. I'm kind of afraid of prescription insomnia medication, because I've heard they can do freaky things to you, but I have to figure out something. I don't have caffeine after about 2:00, and I've lately been avoiding sugar after that as well. And I'm now not even sleeping well on the weekends, which is another sign that things are not normal.
If only I was a genius or something, and didn't waste all this awake time watching tapes of Nightline.
I've decided I'm going to France next year.
See, I'm always a bit reticent to make those kinds of proclamations, because I'm afraid of what people will say. "Oh, sure, Elizabeth, you, who can't seem to save ten cents, who always talks about things and never goes through with them, you pipe-dreamer, you're going to just up and go to France."
The first part, sadly, is actually true. I have not, up to this point, been able to scrape together any kind of a savings account and actually hold on to it. This is why I don't understand people who have a couple thousand in savings and yet beg off going to dinner until their next paycheck because they're broke. In my book, you ain't broke until your savings account has ten dollars in it because that's the minimum you need to even keep it open, and your checking account, by God, is overdrawn.
But anyway. The second part of the above statement, however much I still hear it in my head, is not quite so true. The fact is that when I have talked about doing big, life-changing things, I have done them. "I'm going to move to Los Angeles." People say that all the time, but after I said it, I actually did it. "I might go to law school someday." Said that for a while, and then, hey, I actually went.
The thing is -- and yes, we're back to the early mid-life crisis I appear to be having -- I have wanted to go to France for a long, long time. I was almost going to go to France with my family until my brother vetoed it. At the time, I was a little peeved about it, but now I'm glad, because I think I want to go either by myself or with friends. Family vacation dynamics are different, and I don't think I would have had as meaningful a trip as I hope to have next summer. And I do have a sense of urgency, however silly it might seem at 29, but I just don't want to put this off until I'm too old to really feel it.
So here, for all the world to see and judge, is my plan. By the summer of 2002, I will likely be ready to actually go and be a lawyer somewhere. I will therefore start looking for a job in about a year, so that sometime during the summer, I can quit my current job, go to France for three to four weeks, then return and start my new job. That is, admittedly, a lot to count on, so if the employment part doesn't work, I'll just shorten my trip to the standard two weeks and use my Firm vacation accordingly. In the meantime, I have changed my direct deposit information to have a certain amount per paycheck put in my savings account. That will be enough on its own, and any bonuses I might get from The Firm will just mean better shopping.
I can't explain it, but it's just time for me to do this now.
Unfortunately, it's also time for me to do something else, and that is take the Kansas bar exam.
Ugh.
Believe me, I still feel like I'm recuperating from the last one. However, Kansas will only accept MBE scores for thirteen months. (The MBE is the multiple-choice part of the exam, the one that is the same all across the country.) Which means that if I want to get away with taking only the state-specific essay day in Kansas, I have to do it in July.
Ugh, ugh. The only bright side is that Kansas's essays are reputed to be easier. A friend of mine at work -- actually an old high school friend who I hadn't talked to in eleven years but is a staff attorney at The Firm and even works on my floor -- who went to law school at KU said that a lot of people who took Missouri first failed there but then passed in Kansas.
Actually, there's another bright side, which is that being licensed in both states will make me super-marketable when the time comes for me to start looking around for a real-lawyer gig.
But still. The application came in the mail yesterday, a nice thick packet full of paper that I will invariably have to type things on in a dire, twentieth-century fashion.
Ugh, ugh, ugh.