All right, I realize I'm a little late to the post-Oscar dish party, but what can I say, I've been busy. Other people have made comments already about the same things I noticed, but I'm going to say them anyway. This format worked for me last year, so here goes.

Best Host: Billy Crystal. Someone should pass a law that he must host every show until he dies. The movie montage thing, the best picture medley, and the "what's going through their minds" things were the funniest things in the whole show.

Most Pissed Off Presenter: LL Cool J. What was he so mad about?

Freakiest Winner: Angelina Jolie. First the Elvira thing, then the in-love-with-my-brother thing. It's all very strange, but the girl can act, that's for sure.

Scariest Moment: When King Gimp won for best Documentary Short Subject, we thought the man who was the subject of that film was having a seizure. Turns out he was just really happy, God bless him.

Most Notable Absence: Seems Jim Carrey was just not up to spoofing his lack of nomination this year, and I agree. He probably wouldn't have won, but from what I hear of his performance, he deserved to be there. I'd be bitter too.

Classiest Acceptance Speech: Michael Caine. He was so humble, and taking the time to talk about each fellow nominee was really moving. My heart just broke when he talked about Haley Osment and they showed him being all brave. If I were 11, I'd be bawling my eyes out at not winning.

And I felt really sorry for Michael Clarke Duncan, for that split second when he heard his first name.

Cleverest Production Conceit: I liked how they showed film of the award presenters' wins from previous years before on the screen behind them when they walked out.

Second Cleverest Production Conceit: Putting up pieces of the script during the screenplay awards. I liked that too.

Best "Oops, I'm on Camera, I'd Better Look Interested" Shot: Gwyneth Paltrow, during Warren Beatty's Thalberg speech. (Although, who could blame her. What the hell was he talking about, anyway?)

Most Bitter Presenter: Steven Spielberg. I'm guessing he's still pissed off about "Saving Private Ryan" getting the shaft for Best Picture last year. It looked like the last thing in the world he wanted to be doing was presenting an award.

Best Dressed: Hilary Swank was the only one whose look I liked from top to bottom. Everyone else, all the women anyway, had something funky going on. And I'm not sure I understand the point of this opposite-of-cleavage look.

Best Commercials: The ones with the baby pictures of the famous actors. It was a fun few seconds trying to guess who they were. I didn't get any of them.

Worst Case of Bed Head: Keanu Reeves. Dude. Buy a comb.

Worst, Most God-Awful, Most Horrible, Uncomfortable, Groan-filled Half Hour of the Night: The pre-show. God, was that horrid. Everyone was terrible. Tyra Banks should keep her mouth shut and return the purple Barbie dress. Meredith Vieira kept pissing me off. Kevin Spacey, who I love, gave this wonderful sound bite about the integrity of the awards and she jokingly said he was a good liar. He looked thoroughly unamused. I'd have smacked her.

The Celine Dion Honorary "What the Hell Are You Wearing?" Award: Diane Keaton.

The Celine Dion Honorary "Didn't You Retire?" Award: Garth Brooks.

The Roberto Benigni Honorary "Happiest Guy in the Room" Award: Michael Clarke Duncan.

The Nick Nolte Honorary "I Will Not Crack A Smile" Award: Russell Crowe.

The Minnie Driver Honorary "I Hate My Co-Star" Award: Chloe Sevigny.

How to Make the Show Come In Under Four Hours: I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Get rid of all clipfests and montages and musical numbers except the Best Song Medley and the people who died. Nobody cares about the rest of it.

All in all, a fine show. No big surprises this year, but still. Yes, they're overblown, yes, they border on tacky, but they're still so much fun.