It's not nearly where I wanted it to be, but the dreaded pop-ups have returned over at Tripod, and I'd rather you put up with substance over style here instead of making you click away pushed advertising.

I'm working on it, I am. I wanted to have a whole new design for you, but I haven't found anything I'm crazy about yet, so I have to keep digging for a while.

And I am going to figure out how to move all the archives over, at least all the Abeyance ones. Grace is staying in her own little world for the time being.

But, as you all know, my time is hardly my own, so I'm making no promises, just a request that you all bear with me while I settle in here.

I got a good deal done on my papers yesterday, so I treated myself to a matinee of "American Beauty," which I had been wanting to see again for the longest time.

I fell in love with Kevin Spacey all over again. Maybe he's gay, maybe he isn't, I don't really care. He can act circles around everybody else out there at the moment. I know some people felt Denzel Washington was robbed, but this performance was phenomenal. There are so few actors who can take a superficially immoral character and turn him into someone we root for.

What a great flick.

I spent the weekend with my friends Katherine and Mark, the ones who got married last August. They just bought a house a couple of weeks ago, and they invited me to spend the weekend and watch the Oscars there, with the caveat that I would earn my keep by helping them renovate.

We had the greatest time. Mark spent most of the day digging up trees in the yard while Katherine and I painted walls and doors and window trim, which was great, because I love to paint. I think it's the instant gratification; something looks bad, and with a few strokes of a brush, it turns into good, right before your eyes.

After we had cleaned up on Saturday, we cooked. Mark grilled hamburgers, Katherine made salad and potatoes, I set the table and played with the dogs. (One golden retriever, one Jack Russell terrier. They're responsible for Katherine and Mark being husband and wife; they met while walking their respective dogs.) At one point, Mark stood in the kitchen and said, "You know, this is what life is all about."

I wanted to cry. This is what life is all about, and so far, my life has been about horning in on other couple's Kodak moments. Being around them all weekend didn't really make me sad, but it made me... yearn. I long for the day when it will be me inside painting while my husband digs up trees in the backyard of our first house, when it will be me making the salad while he grills the hamburgers.

I have been a Shirley my entire life. I don't want to be one for the rest of it.

(My friend Lynne has an aunt and uncle. One day, about thirty years ago, the aunt's sister, Shirley, broke her leg and came to stay with the aunt and uncle because she lived alone and couldn't get around by herself.

Shirley's leg healed, but Shirley never left. She's lived with her sister and her sister's husband ever since. She goes to movies with them. She goes on vacation with them. She goes to weddings and funerals and family reunions with them. I'm assuming she sets the table while the husband grills and the wife makes salad.)

Katherine and Mark jokingly offered to let me be their Shirley. I jokingly accepted, dying inside.

Eww. I don't like to end entries like that, all icky and emotional, so I'll tell you a funny story.

My friend Gillian's last name is Baker. (Well, it isn't really, but roll with me on this.) At one time, she had an AOL name of GBaker. I didn't think she used it anymore, but I left it on my IM Buddy List, probably because I was too lazy to take it off.

So last night, she pops up. I was logged in as dizzyliz19, which is not my usual login, so I IM'ed her and said something like, "Hey, I didn't think you had AOL anymore!"

GBaker: "who's this"

dizzyliz19: "Geez, how many Dizzy Lizzes do you know?? :)"

GBaker: "Uh, none. This is Greg"

dizzyliz19: "Oooooh... that would explain it! I have a friend named Gillian Baker, and I thought it was you, but I guess I was wrong! Sorry to bother you!"

GBaker: "I can see how you got your name."

dizzyliz19 is not currently signed on.