The date: Sometime in the spring of 1992.
The time: Around 9:00 a.m.
The place: The library of the Village Presbyterian Church, Prairie Village, Kansas.
My mother and father and I are killing time in the church library. My father is an usher at the church, and we all arrived early for the annual usher breakfast, even though my father is ushering the later service. Rather than go back home, we decide to wait in the library.
We're having a reasonably pleasant time. I browse the children's section and find my favorite Dr. Seuss book, The Lorax. I read it to my father because he's never heard of it before. We're chatting about it after I finish, and I lean back in my chair and gaze around at the books, when the spine of one catches my eye, a gray hardbound book with a well-worn binding bearing big blue letters:
"The Art of Dating."
I can't help but reach for it. I check the copyright page: 1958, by the National Board of Young Men's Christian Associations.
I browse the table of contents. The chapter titles tell all: Among others, there are "The Right Date for You," "What to Do on a Date," "How to say 'No'," "Expressing Affection," and, the big one, "Sexual Relations Before Marriage."
The subheadings, and in some cases, sub-subheadings, are even better. In "Off to A Good Start," we have: How to Be Popular.
In general, young people like members of the other sex who are (1) careful of their personal appearance; (2) courteous and thoughtful; and (3) fun to be with.A girl doesn't have to be a beauty to get a date. She just has to dress appropriately, be neat and well groomed, and then try to forget her appearance. The same goes for a boy. If he's clean and neat (hair combed, fresh shirt, nails clean) he's acceptable, and probably attractive to someone.
In "Are You Ready to Date?" there is a section on Blind Dating. Under Pickups, it reads:
It may seem adventurous to stand on a corner and pick up a likely-looking person, but it can be dangerous. People who use the pickup system are those who for some reason cannot use the ordinary channels for meeting people.Boys sometimes congregate on corners to whistle at passing girls. It may feel good to be whistled at, but unless you know the boys, it's not wise to encourage them. Many fellows feel that an easy pickup is "fast," or else she wouldn't be out looking for a date in that fashion.
In the chapter entitled "Asking for a Date," we have the following example for boys to follow when calling a girl for a date:
MARY: Hello.JIM: Hi, Mary, this is Jim Jones.
MARY: Hi, Jim, how are you?
JIM: Fine, thanks. Say, did you understand that problem in math today? I found it rather confusing.
MARY: I did too, but eventually I figured it out.
JIM: So did I. Say, Mary, Bob and Larry are taking Jean and Jane to the White Kar roller skating rink this Saturday, about seven o'clock. I'd like very much to take you, and we'd be home by ten. Would you like to go?
MARY: It sounds like fun! I'd love to go skating with you, Jim. I'll expect you Saturday about seven.
JIM: Fine, see you then. Good-by, Mary.
MARY: Good-by.
This conversation was a great help to Mary. She knows everything she needs to know. Mary knows that Jim really wants to take her skating. She knows that she should dress casually, and that she should be ready by seven. She can tell her parents that she will be home by ten. This is the kind of invitation she likes to receive, because nothing is left up in the air.
And, for our final selection, from the chapter entitled "Expressing Affection," under the subheading entitled "Must You Neck to Be Popular?", we have a sub-subheading entitled: When A Fellow Gets Fresh:
The inexperienced girl may wonder, "If he tries something, shall I slap him and run, or just run?" The more mature girl knows that she doesn't need to resort to either slapping or running in order to deal with the too amorous boy friend. She wards off unwelcome behavior with a firm refusal to co-operate, accompanied by a knowing smile and a suggestion of some alternative activity. She may say, "Not now, Ambrose -- let's go get a hamburger; I'm hungry."Or she may take a tip from Marianne. When her date seems about to do something objectionable, she takes both his hands in both of hers, squeezes them affectionately, grins into his eyes, and says, "You're quite a guy." By doing this, Marianne lets her date know that she won't go along with his intimacy, at the same time that she shows she likes him as a person.
I'll save the next subsection, "Parking and Petting Problems," for another day. But you see my point.
Back in the church library, I am out of breath with laughter, tears positively streaming down my face. I try my best to contain myself enough to read the better quotes out loud to my parents, but there are times when I can't get out two words in a row. I'm afraid they're going to be able to hear me in the sanctuary.
My parents are, of course, quite amused, not only by the book itself but by my reaction. My father graduated from high school in 1955 and my mother in 1957, so they can identify with this book, and insist to me that things really were that way at that time. Still, they know how funny it all sounds to a 20-year-old in the 90's, and it sounds pretty funny to them, too.
In the middle of all this hilarity, the church librarian comes meandering in. I'm still wiping my eyes, trying to catch my breath, and my parents start explaining to her what's going on, because I still can't say anything without starting to laugh.
Then the librarian does the funniest thing. Instead of lecturing me on how the world once was and how it should be, she starts telling us about how her granddaughter can get condoms from her high school nurse as she's digging out a rubber stamp from her desk. She takes the book from me, finds the corresponding card in her little card catalog, stamps "RETIRED" on the card and the cover page of the book, and hands it back to me. "Here you go, hon, it's all yours. I never did see anyone have such a good time with one of our books before."
By this time, we had to head back upstairs for the service my father had to usher. I made my mother keep the book in her purse, because I knew if I had it, I'd have to read it, and I wouldn't be able to keep myself from laughing out loud in the middle of the service. It didn't do much good, though -- I sat there and giggled the whole time anyway. And every time I did, I'd look over at my mother, and she'd be giggling, too.
You're old enough to have dates when you're mature enough to assume responsibility for your dating behavior, when you have learned enough social poise to get and keep a date, and when you have convinced your parents and others interested in you of your readiness for these special boy-girl experiences.
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