My father's father died in 1954, about three weeks after my father's 16th birthday. (Okay, that's sad, but the story I'm about to tell you is kind of funny.) Anyway, when they buried him, they went ahead and bought the plot next to him for my grandmother, and even bought a headstone for her.

As was the custom at the time (and I suppose it still is), they pre-engraved it. At the moment, it says, "Grandma's Name," and underneath that, "1913 - 19    ".

See where I'm going with this? My grandmother is healthy as a horse, and as far as I know, has no plans to die in the next seven weeks.

So now what happens? I think it would be hysterical to buy her a new headstone as a Christmas present, but I thought other people might think it's a bit morbid. (Frankly, I think pre-engraving a headstone is morbid enough, so I don't see how making a gift of replacing it could be any worse.)

I ran this by the various assortment of relatives that gathered on Friday night for my grandfather's birthday (my mother's dad, in case you're confused). They came up with some alternative suggestions, such as leaving it as it is but getting "Thankfully 20--" engraved on it underneath. My uncle suggested just putting in "1999+5" or whatever it happened to be.

Thankfully my grandmother has a good sense of humor, so whatever we decide to do, she will certainly take the gift in the spirit in which it's given.

Speaking of end-of-millennia brouhaha, I was going through my mountains of useless junk the other day and came across a Newsweek. It's dated December 31, 1990, and the cover says: "The 90's -- A Survival Guide: Issues, People and Predictions for the Age of Anxiety."

Age of anxiety... they got that right. Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to go through it a little and see what they thought back then.

Predictions in the area of FORCE:

Germany and Japan will have nuclear weapons by the year 2000. Unless the U.S. agrees to defend them, Arab nations will also buy nukes.

The U.S. Military will shrink by about one-third, as the Pentagon budget shrinks from 6% of GNP to 4%.

There will be an Army coup in a slimmed down Soviet Union. And Europe will see more bloodshed than it has seen since World War II.

Don't know; no; probably if you consider Yugoslavia.

Person to watch: Gen. Colin Powell, Chairmen of the Joint Chiefs.

BORDERS:

Latvia, Lithuania, and Estonia will leave the Soviet Union. Twelve republics will remain, too weak to go it alone.

Austria, Sweden, Norway, Finland, and Iceland will join the European Community.

Yugoslavia will split into at least three countries: Slovenia, Croatia, and Serbia.

Pretty much; don't know; kind of. I blame law school for my pathetic lack of understanding of international politics.

Person to watch: Boris Yeltsin, President, Russian Republic.

LEADERSHIP:

President Bush will face a revolt within the GOP that won't derail his renomination, but could weaken him. (I think this is just the writers hedging their bets on his re-election. They never say one way or the other whether he would win a second term.)

New York Gov. Mario Cuomo will run for president, but the press will stress his pettiness as much as his eloquence.

Virginia Gov. Douglas Wilder will launch a credible presidential campaign, rendering the Rev. Jesse Jackson a political has been.

Yes; no; no.

Person to watch: Bob Kerrey, Nebraska Senator.

QUOTAS:

A conservative majority on the Supreme Court, bolstered by Justice Souter, will erode affirmative action.

Democrats will redefine programs and invent new terms to satisfy court restrictions.

Changing demographic trends will give Hispanic and Asian-American leaders greater influence. Some will use it to pry open American society, others will waste it on intramural fights.

Kind of; not really; couldn't say. (I suppose none of these will be cut and dried.)

Person to watch: Clarence Thomas, Federal Appeals Court Judge. (If only they knew.)

CENSORSHIP:

With publishers conglomerated, trickle-down censorship will increase.

Hollywood will trade in more of its megabucks violence for hugely profitable heartwarmers like "Ghost" and "Home Alone."

The great band of the 1990's will be a post-punk acid-house techno-metal rap group with a world beat.

Don't know; BAAH-HA-HA-hahaha; are they talking about the Backstreet Boys?

Person to watch: Marcia Tucker, Director, The New Museum of Contemporary Art

Other things in this issue included reviews of Mel Gibson's "Hamlet," an item about Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett's new CBS sitcom "Good Sports," and a wedding photo of Rod Stewart and Rachel Hunter.

Boy, time flies, doesn't it?

And to paraphrase a critic, I didn't want to like it, but I did. A lot. (That'd be the new "Annie" I'm talking about, kids. There wasn't one bad performance in the entire show.)

Speaking of which, I've caught up on SportsNight recaps, and made notes for the Practice and the X-Files premiere. They are coming soon to a Limelight page near you. (By sundown, I swear. And I know none of you were holding your breath about them, but it makes me feel better to commit myself.)